Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
