Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
