halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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