We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
