i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
