i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
