Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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