Welp...herpes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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