ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
