Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
