I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
