My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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