Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
