Your dad touched me again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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