is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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