im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
