Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
