i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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