Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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