kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
sarcasm needs its own font
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
