I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
