Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
