i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
