im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
