Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
