i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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