apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
