bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Found the puke drawer
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
