I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
