He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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