I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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