i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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