Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
