I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Found the puke drawer
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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