You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
