Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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