I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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