Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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