I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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