Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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