Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
