can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I smell like Dick and happiness
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