Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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