OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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