shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
