i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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