Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no, he came in my armpit
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
