New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
