all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
