At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
